


The Sweet Far Thing

by asingleredheart



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Angst, M/M, no happy ending, past pale gamkat
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-09
Updated: 2017-09-09
Packaged: 2018-12-25 20:25:02
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 681
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12043617
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/asingleredheart/pseuds/asingleredheart
Summary: A corner of your dreambubble looks like his respite block.





	The Sweet Far Thing

A corner of your dreambubble looks like his respite block.

Most of the bubble is your hive and the beach. Sometimes, other bubbles intersect with yours and other scenes and settings appear. But no matter what happens, one corner is always Karkat’s.

There are no clowns there, no honking horns or bottles of wicked elixir or empty pie pans. Instead, there are movies and troll Will Smith posters, computer programing manuals and a sickle on the neatly kept desk.

You go there sometimes when you want to forget. Forget the blood and miracles, the harshwhimsies and murdermirth. You go there when you want to pretend that the world never came crashing down around your no longer spoor-addled self.

There is a peace in this copy of Karkat’s block that you can’t find anywhere else. The neatness of it, the simplicity, they quiet the ‘doos down, calm you better than even the most wicked of elixers ever could.

Sometimes you watch the movies in this dream-block, sometimes you read the manuals. Neither of them really interest you, but they remind you of him. It’s easy to imagine that at any moment, Karkat will burst in and get his shout on at you for messing with his stuff.

Sometimes, if you close your eyes and wish really hard, you’d swear you can hear Karkat’s lusus moving around downstairs. You miss the prickly motherfucker sometimes. He was more of a lusus to you than your lusus ever was, always greeting you with a pointy hug and kind-angry chirrs. Some days, you’d trade every miracle you’ve ever had for one more of those hugs.

Only some days, though. Some days, you know it wouldn’t be enough. Those are the days you wish for nubby horns and insults, gentle hands and warm-grumpy complaints. Anything to quiet the messiahs’ howling in your head. Wasn’t no one who could shoosh-pap you down like your shouty motherfucker.

But he isn’t there anymore. You saw to that long ago, neglecting him to serve the messiah that wasn’t. Karkat’s pale glow was washed out in your eyes by rainbow flashing lies, and by the time you realized it, it was all too late. The damage was long done and there wasn’t enough pale pity in the world to bring him back.

Perhaps, if you hadn’t rotted your pan so much, you might have realized the green motherfucker was a lie, might have made some heroic entrance in the final battle that would have redeemed you. But it wasn’t until your one-time friends brought the false messiah to his knees that you knew the wicked truth.

By that point, there were too many dead, too many lost forever to the void.

You did not try to follow when the surviving trolls and humans went to their final reward. You knew you wouldn’t be welcome. Instead, you watched from a distance as they went, and then turned and launched yourself out into the ring, letting the currents of void and space buffer you about until you landed in this bubble. You’ve been here ever since.

Sometimes you’re tempted to search among the dreambubbles, to see if there’s perhaps a version of Karkat out there that will still have you. You’re tempted, but you never do. Even if another Karkat was pan-addled enough to pity you and let you use him as a replacement for your Karkat, you know you don’t deserve it. You lost that right sweeps ago.

Really, even this copy of his block is more than you deserve. If you were a better troll, you’d will that corner out of existence, deprive yourself of the illicit comfort these pieces of Karkat’s past give you. But you are not a better troll, and so the corner stays.

Maybe someday, you’ll find a way to deserve it. Maybe someday, you’ll do something cosmic, something to show Karkat how sorry you are. Maybe, if you’re very lucky, you’ll even find a way into the new universe where your pale-bro now resides.

But some day is still far away, and today is not that day.


End file.
